this home that I know.
Happy Sunday! Wow, what a beautiful day down here in the Lower Mainland. I went home...again! I'll talk more about that in a bit, but let me just revel in the awesome fact that my sister graduated! UBC does things a bit different than TWU, and they had seven (I think?) ceremonies this past Thurs/Fri back home in Kelowna.
My sister, Sarah, is unreal. She double majored in English and Geography and is now going to Kwantlen for their beer brewing program. There are good things to come for sure in her future and if you'll join me in praying for what these next few months will look like, I would appreciate that (I know she would too). It's pretty exciting, and I can imagine also a bit nerve-wracking.
On Thursday night, my mom threw a "surprise" party for Sarah. I say surprise because leading up to it my mom would phone Sarah and ask, "so...if someone threw you a party...who would you want at it?". Super stealth in my opinion, but I guess it did turn out to be a surprise in some ways. At the end of the night she was floored and I loved seeing her expression as new people walked in the door that she wasn't expecting. It was just so neat to celebrate such a wonderful accomplishment.
I can honestly say that every time I have gone home for the past year, God has moved. If you read my last post here you can read about how much He spoke into my life regarding His love and affection for me. Here's the kicker - I LOVE quality conversation. If convo isn't flowing, I struggle hard core. Like majorly. I really cannot stand small talk, and Thursday night was everything but that. I had the chance to talk with my aunt, who spoke words of truth and wisdom into my heart in a very short amount of time.
Since I don't go home often, when I get to see family it's really special. My aunt and I started talking, catching up, and then the conversation started to turn to my own thoughts about graduating. (I know I know, I already talked about grad, but this is different I swear). I said, "it's kinda scary, and I just really don't know where God has me". Then, she blew my mind.
Now I know that life is in His timing. It's never ever on my watch. Meeting someone, starting a family, being in relationship, job hunting, moving, building a home, all of the milestones society tells us are supposed to happen when we're young - they're on His time. Which is scary...I know!!!! But nonetheless, my aunt spoke to me these words in a way that I had never heard before:
"you're not supposed to know right now".
Um what?! I'm not supposed to know!? I can't explain the feeling of relief that washed over me. I don't have to know. I don't have to know what I am doing when I graduate. I might not even know until a week or a day beforehand (let's hope it's a tad bit sooner than that :P)! What a relief! To be quite honest, I hadn't ever thought about God's timing in that way before. While it is totally in His control, it was never my job to know what comes next. While I don't think we serve a Father who wants us to be in the dark, I do know that it is in His season and control when He will let us know what is coming up, whether that be through the Word, or through friends or through simply hearing His voice in a clear and audible way. I know waiting sucks...you're talking to one of the most impatient people EVER here, but just think about the goodness He has in store if we wait, build patience, learn trust and revel in character.
I got thinking once my aunt and I stopped talking. I heard her kind and truthful words, but couldn't help consider what it would be that I would be doing come one year from now (doing exactly what I said I didn't have to do). I wasn't thinking in a worrisome manner though, it was more out of wonder and excitement. Would I move home? Would I move to Korea to teach English? The possibilities are quite endless.
For whatever reason, only God knows, since moving away from K-town my heart has honestly never really loved coming back. With this in mind, the past few years have really re-defined what it means to truthfully have a home. Now, especially this year, I have more reasons than ever to come home (my parents are empty-nesters, good friends living in town) and maybe it's the people, or maybe it's the church service I attended on May-long, but my heart is renewing it's adoration for the city and people.
I sat out on my deck and a culmination of thoughts pulsed through my mind - was this home? It kind of felt like it for the first time in a long time. But it was bittersweet - my community, my people were back in Langley. It was a beautiful (albeit cold) night and I sat journalling; thankful. Thankful that I am finally out of this crazy season and into the summer, thankful that I even have the opportunity to contend this issue and thankful that I could let go of things that were holding me down. At the same time, I got the warm fuzzies and some insane shivers when I spent that time with Papa God on Saturday night. Just me and Him and He kept saying, "not yet, not yet, not yet". If this is meant to be home, I'm just not meant to know it yet. And that's okay.
So, I want to ask you - how do you define home?
I've honestly been struggling with this. In the end though, it will always come back to relationships and family....which presents a big problem. Parents, friends from highschool, etc. are back home, yet my TWU family that I know are in the Lower Mainland. I came to the conclusion that it's okay to have two homes. Two families. I think everyone ends up that way anyways once you get married. I am extremely blessed in the sense that Van and K-town are close enough together that visiting is not an issue. For those of you who live far away, how do you culminate a sense of home when those you love are so far away? I want to know! Send me a message, because I am still building my understanding of this.
Furthermore, since we are built to be in beautiful relationship with one another, home is wherever we are with Christ. Anddddd by the way that's everywhere...no surprise there. If we want to go on a spiritual level, then we aren't really ever at home anyways. That's what heaven is for. This place is only temporary. Does that calm you? Because I know it calms my impatient heart.
Thanks for reading tonight friends. I pray that your week is fruitful and filled with rest and time with Him.