Wow. What a summer. I know, I know, I haven’t posted in a reallllyyyy long time. Thanks for coming to read, despite my lack of content over this past little while. Much has happened and I really do miss writing here in this space. It’s comfortable and I know I can share how God has been stirring my heart and soul lately.
I officially ended work on Friday Aug 25th. It was a glorious yet bittersweet day. Surprisingly I did not cry. It was such an overcoming moment. I guess truthfully this moment of leaving work was really full circle. A year ago on the 22nd, I attended a Bethel worship concert with one of my closest friends, Soph. I never posted about it because I wanted to cherish the moment I had between my Father and I, but in retrospect, I ended up telling many people about it (just never publicly blogged it). I sat in the Orpheum theatre, tears rolling down my face, asking God what it was He wanted of me. “Papa, what is it that you want me to do?”
Uh, excuse me?
“You won’t be returning to school in January”
UH, EXCUSE ME?!
“Katie, trust me. That’s all I am asking you to do. I will provide.”
And holy smokes has He provided. A well paying job, the opportunity to take a heavily discounted night class, the chance to go to both Korea and Mexico, a job over the summer, a wonderful carpool, a continued place to live, a car that works, a beautiful family that continues to support me…more than I could EVER need.
I left that night both high on His love and providential promise, but also SO extremely terrified. For starters, track was all that I had ever known. I mean, I know art and I know media & comm, but I didn’t know a life without track. Then, the idea of not going back to school was also scary - if there’s anything I have truthfully known my entire life, it’s school. School is comfortable, especially at TWU, and taking classes is both a natural and normal thing.
Fast forward to Aug 25 and my last day of work. I started work on January 10th and worked for 8 months, in an environment that is so extremely different than TWU. While my coworkers are beautiful people, there is no bubble, there is no Christian comfort, there is an immense amount of uncertainty in terms of your job, your partner and your tasks for the day.
To get to leave the place I called my work for 8 months was humbling. God humbled me. I’ve talked about this before, but I went from living the high life in Ottawa, blessed with the opportunity to meet with Canadian officials, high-ranked professionals one month to literally picking up needles and dead animals (and a plethora of other interesting items) on the side of the road.
Leaving felt good, but it was also God calling me into a fresh season. I continually believe that our Father calls us into new seasons where He reveals new truths or shapes and moulds us depending on the specific circumstances we encounter. This summer, in retrospect, was nothing like I ever anticipated. I spent a lot of time comparing it to last summer - last year I did a lot of “stuff”. While God was SO tangibly present, I felt as though I was 100X more social and out and about. I’ll be real with you - I didn’t put a bathing suit on this summer to go to the beach until this past Saturday..and I wasn’t even at the beach and I was wearing a wet suit for 4 hours. So does it really even count?
I’ve been comparing these past four months with the previous year and I’ve had to continually tell myself to stop. I believe last summer I truthfully needed a summer of rest, a summer of revival and rejuvenation. God delivered so clearly and His plans for me this year were obviously much different. Perhaps I was too comfortable, perhaps I needed to grow (let’s be real, we’ve always got to grow!). This summer, I am confident of His presence and hand, but it often felt as though my time with Him was cut short, and after work hours were filled with “things” that truthfully just made me tired. Two very different summers…but the same God.
After a long, difficult summer, all I want is rest. I know my Father sees that, but it isn’t time for rest quite yet. It’s coming though, I know it. To be really honest with you, I’m nervous for the year. I’ve committed my heart and soul to many different things, because I know I am called to them, but at the same time, the enemy fills my head constantly with so many fears. I also know that speaking out these fears is the first step to conquering them, so here they are:
- balance. I’ve taken on so much for this fall and want to excel in all areas. I am the Editor-in-Chief of the school newspaper and also continuing to compete on the track and field team.
- school. A lot of extracurriculars means a lot of time outside of my academics devoted to projects, editing, running, etc, but at the same time, I am genuinely taking classes that I am scared for. Spanish 101 anyone?! I’ve never spoken a drop of Spanish in my life, so we’re ready for a crazy ride. I have a writing capstone course that wraps up my entire five year degree of writing and media that I want to do really well in.
- I’m old. That may sound funny and I’m only 21, but I walked into the cafeteria yesterday for the start of our student leadership week and I recognized only about 25% of the faces. THERE ARE SO MANY NEW PEOPLE AT MY SCHOOL. It gives me anxiety just thinking about it. It’s weird when many of your friends have moved on or graduated. Sometimes I feel behind in the game of life (which is stupid). I love the fact that I have new people to meet, but I also tend to feel like everyone is suddenly analyzing everything about me when they don’t know me. Again, a lie that I have believed for a long time. Time to get that out of the system.
Beyond all of the craziness, the fear, the complaining, the people who give me a scared face when I tell them I’m a student athlete and a student leader, beyond every person that says I can’t do it and every inch of my soul that believes that I’m not made to even come close to making the cut, I have a Father who works and loves and moves ALWAYS further and bigger than I could ever expect and calls me to make God-sized goals that honour and cherish Him.
Call me crazy, but I believe this year will go off without a hitch. Yes, minor hiccups along the way are inevitable. Being Editor-in-Chief is not hard. Being a student athlete is not hard. Being a student is not hard. Possessing a title is not hard. You know what is hard? Everything that we experience while we are in those positions. Learning is hard. Growing is hard. Figuring out who the heck you are before Christ is hard. Depression through tough seasons of life is hard. Broken hearts and baggage is hard. But what if you and I thought about our roles differently? What if we saw these barriers as God wanting to grow you? God is literally giving you and I a position that has the potential to glorify Him in. I just can’t get over that.
Call me naive, but I am SO incredibly pumped for this new season. God is already at work, ready to work, and going to change the lives of those on campus, around it, affected by it, passing through and beyond. I am excited for the direction of the newspaper. While I am still scared and nervous, my Father has been reminding me lately that we are called into these roles for a specific time, a specific purpose. Our theme this year on campus is conveniently the book of Esther. The main verse reads, “for such a time as this” and this could not be more relevant and true. Somedays I really don’t want to be in these positions because I think of the responsibility, the onus, the burden, the work, the late nights (ew), the balance and the way I will have to trust my Father even more than I already do. But it’s worth it. 100% worth it. Maybe, just maybe, you and I are called into the roles we have, leadership or not, for such a time as this. Maybe somebody needs to read my writing this year. Maybe somebody on my team needs a friend. I can’t pass that opportunity up because of my pride, laziness or guilt. It’s go time.
Thanks for reading today my friend.
More to come soon!